It’s amazing how really time flies by… The more interesting time in your life you are living, the more you’re enjoying, learning, changing, evolving and experiencing the faster the time leaves behind you pushing you to go forward. Once you turn back to notice that you’re far ahead, and the time, that you thought was on your side, is far behind, and left you all alone with brand new you, brand new thoughts… perhaps in even brand new place… You might feel just a bit… awkward for that sort of new situation. Perhaps like a new hair-cut that you just gotta get used to.
How often do we really stop to think of our life? I mean, how often do we spend more than five minutes of that tram, or a car-ride, daydreaming moment, with music on, and really take a time and dig inside of us to evaluate more in-depth what the hell has happened in our past, or what we want from our future? Say, in my case 25 and half years has past. How often do we remember ourselves for the damn good things we’ve achieved over the past years? How often we reminisce those golden moments when you felt over the top. Whatever your answer was, I’d say the time you take isn’t enough.
What about our friends, past or present, that have gone that one extra mile to help us in one way or another. Also, I personally feel like a biggest dick on earth coz’ I haven’t gone to see many of my old, very close friends after they started their families, or gave a birth, even though they are so often on my mind. So what’s my great excuse? Let’s not even go there… Long-stretched weekends with day-after, or even three days, of incapable brain functioning and major laziness. Well, I’m sure I’d appreciate as hell if I’d hear that sort of reasoning from people that are important to me.
At the same time, vice versus, many of my friends have forgotten events that have been meaningful to me. So, I do know there’s no point to hold grudges over something fairly small. For me, the fact I have known someone for over ten years and just got a bit busy and also grown a bit apart from our mutual lifestyles but isn’t a deal-breaker. Coz’ I still hold that strong emotional and mental link, and appreciation towards our long-lasted friendship, as it can only be achieved over many years, and is far more important to me than some time spent apart and events left unattended. I’d never wanna lose one’s heart over some silly single day in my life.
How about on a more tender topic — our romances or exes? We’re too busy trying to forget about them and blame them for all the stupid shit they’ve done, instead of thinking how much wiser you may have become because of your relationship, or even a fling, or any meaningful encounter. Of course, blaming is the easiest. Because attack is the best defense to protect yourself. Even though, I think it is cowardice. A time too often, people ruin their beautiful relations because they’re so scared to lose their face. However, they do it not only to save their face but also to not lose that little piece of their self-confidense, and in order to save it, they keep believing that only they are totally right. That is why, they are so stubborn to admit their mistakes. I’d still say, even if you suffered during the time together, because of many painful set-backs and fights, you still gained lots more in your basket of life-experience — you will get or you even already got stronger. On one condition though, only if you dare to admit your mistakes, even to yourself only, then comprehend them, and turn them in the positive light. Just mere fact, that you’ve tried to make some beautiful relationship you believed to be special one to work out is already damn courageous. You took that first step, you did your best. Next time that kind of step will be easier. Also, next time maybe you won’t step into any pitfalls and actually succeed in trying. Well, in those fucked up cases when it really doesn’t work out, don’t worry coz' there’s more fairytales than just that one of the Cinderella’s. Personally, I’d get more self-confidence knowing I did it all trying to work it out in what I believed with all my heart, and failing, rather than not trying at all and protected my bare and boring ass. At least, if I fucked it up, even royally, I did what I wanted, I took my chance exactly on my terms. Obviously, if you’re scared shitless you always gonna walk safe ways only. But that’s not living or following your dream, it’s merely existing from day-to-day without any bursts of indescribably beautiful feelings.
In the end of the day, we are all living and feeling creatures, and no matter whether it was your lover or your friend, the time you spend together will always leave some sort of permanent mark on you. Some can be in a form of a scar, some can be deep in your heart and memory, and some can be in a form of a child. The only hope is that in the future we’re gonna be more tolerant towards others, more humanly and more able to express ourselves the way we exactly feel. Every step we take, and that’s inevitable, makes us wiser. The strength follows only after we learn how we can use our wisdom. Like they say:” Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it has happened!”
The part of my story 2010 in pictures <3
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